As my ministry, Bridging The Gaps Ministries, is forming and I am praying for discernment that I understand the direction God would have me go with it I have started to notice what feels like hatred and intolerance from the gay community. In trying to understand what this hatred and intolerance is I came across many gay based websites, books, and so forth which are rabid with negativity towards those, like myself, who identify themselves as 'ex-gay'. Though it should be known I personal do not like the term itself. I do not call myself that nor is my ministry an ex-gay ministry. However, because I use to be a lesbian who is no longer a lesbian I have been strapped with that title. I do not have a better or different title for such people, again, such people as myself.
So, how do I identify myself? I no longer identify myself as a lesbian or as a butch. I do not identify myself as ex-gay. I DO identify myself as one who no longer believes homosexuality is innate. I DO identify myself as one who now understands that it, homosexuality, is but another branch on the tree of sin. But, most importantly I am a follower of Christ Jesus who is the Son of the most high God!
So lets get back to the title of this blog. Why does the lesbian / gay community take issue with ex-gays?
I have said it all along and Dr. Spitzer affirms what I have been saying: the main reason there is such a fierce rejection of ex-gays among the LGBT community is for one simple reason. If people are born gay there is no chance you could be ex-gay. The only way people can come out of homosexuality is if it, homosexuality, is not innate. Innate meaning it is something you are born with. And people are coming out of homosexuality and what that is saying is that people are not born homosexual. For twenty years I believed I was born a homosexual. I lived and breathed the life of a butch. I convinced many people that there is nothing wrong with being homosexual. Why was I able to convince them of this? Because I believed it!
That is why there is such rejection of the ex-gay person and ministries. Those who identify themselves as LGBT strongly believe that they are born that way. They so believe it that they are fighting for what they believe should be special rights due to them. They consider themselves just as the African Americans considered themselves as people who were oppressed and who desired and deserved civil rights just like everyone else. IF however people can come out of homosexuality then again, that means it is not innate and that throws the water on the fire they currently have burning towards receiving those special rights.
Click on the video below to hear what Dr. Spitzer has to say on the matter. I will have another blog later on Dr. Spitzer to better help those who do not know why I use him as an affirmation to my belief that you can change, that you are not born gay. Sin has done what it does well and it has made people believe that homosexuality is innate.
So, why this blog again? The reason I want to post this to you is to inform you that the gay community has mounted an all out attack against the "ex-gay" ministries such as Exodus, Homosexuals Anonymous, and Love In Action! When I realized that attack had actually gotten bigger I started to do more research on it.
Basically what my research has shown is that if you claim to have changed your sexual orientation and no longer identify yourself as being homosexual then the gay community will respond in one of the following ways (and of course this is not an all encompassing list):
- well, you must never have been gay because change is not possible
- you are lying to yourself
- you really are still gay and you are going to hurt yourself emotionally if you try to be something you are not
- you are a myth, there is no such thing as 'ex-gay' (that was a new one for me, I have never been called a myth before)
- I can not believe you actually allowed yourself to be brainwashed into believing you are not what you are, GAY! ( I have been accused of this twice now)
I was recently in an email conversation with one gentleman who is a gay political activist. Here is what he wrote to me about my saying I was no longer a lesbian, about ex-gay ministries, and about a book I am working on:
Charlene: You are a lesbian and God knows you are - and he celebrates this fact - and hopes that one day, you will too. . . You can't say that you haven't been warned about the disastrous road you are now on. I'll see you when you come out of your closet. By the way, the last thing the world needs is yet another "ex-lesbian" book. There are already tons. I bet you have nothing original to say and you are clearly just wasting your time. Charlene - you can't form an identity on what you supposedly once were - and you can't waste your life trying not to be something. It always ends in tragedy and you are no exception to this rule. Your story is far from unique. Good luck - you are certainly going to need it - considering you have been brainwashed. Just accept yourself and realize God loves you as the natural lesbian that you truly are. It is okay to be you - and the sooner you understand this, the better.
I could not believe how much this all bothered him. Can you tell that it really bothers this gentleman that I am saying I am no longer a lesbian. I find it quite interesting that this gentleman does not even know me and he is trying to read so much into what I am not.
On one side of the fence ex-gays (for lack of a better word) are being told either they are not gay, never were gay so the change did not happen, or they are being told, with concern, that the person is going to emotionally hurt themselves if they try to not be gay any longer.
That is what it is all about. People have been duped into believing that it is okay to act out sexually on their same sex attractions. Sin is a powerful tool of the Evil One folks.
Please know that this blog is not meant to hurt anyone or offend anyone. I only hope it will answer some questions that some may have on the subject matter of the title.
Please know that it is not my aim to change anyone from their homosexual identity. I am not God and therefore it is not in my power to change you. My aim is the great commission of Christ Jesus. I want to tell everyone about the good news of Christ Jesus and how He loved me so much He changed my life into one of such peace!
My testimony is that I had a life changing experience through Jesus. I did not go to any type of counseling to change my homosexuality. For two years I struggled with being a follower of Jesus and my identity as a lesbian butch. How could what I was born with be wrong. Someone must have translated the Bible incorrectly is what I always thought! The church I started to attend in Las Vegas, NV (College Park Baptist Church) accepted me just as I was when I walked through their doors. When I asked about homosexuality they told me they believed it was wrong and that I was sinning by living that life. But they also told me that they still loved me and they never mentioned homosexuality again to me unless I brought it up. They told me about Jesus and His love, they reflected the love of Jesus to me. It was Jesus and His Holy Spirit that convicted me after two years that homosexuality was not what God intended. I, through the power of Jesus, was able to turn away from that sin. I will not lie to you. I still have same sex attractions, but what is different about them now is that I am able to understand what creates the attraction. I no longer act out on them. They do not come a lot just every once in a while. yet, please know that is understandable. I lived for twenty years in that life. Not to equate homosexuality with quitting smoking or drinking but just ask someone, myself included, how when they have quit one or both of these vices, or any vice for that matter, there are times when you do want to light one up or have a nice cold one. Just thinking about it makes me want a smoke and a beer. That is how it is with anything you turn away from, it will be there because you lived it and experienced it.
I will close with this statement.
I understand, because I have been there, why the subject matter of ex-gays disturbs the homosexuality community. However, I say to the homosexuality community that as they say ex-gay ministries are harming people so are homosexuals harming their own people. If a person wants to not be gay anymore, be accepting of them just as you demand acceptance so you must give it. Support them as best you can even if you disagree with them. Enough harm has occurred on both sides of the fence folks. We need to all quit harming those on the same side of the fence as ourselves. And I say this to both Homosexuals and Christians. Christians are just as harmful to ex-gays as gays are harmful to them. Ex-gays get it from both sides. Christians, for the most part, want nothing to do with them and many Christians, I know many of them, don't believe change is possible either.
I am no longer a lesbian, YES, change is possible, through the love and strength of Jesus!
Please feel free to post your comments. This video below is the one I mentioned earlier of Dr. Spitzer's conversation.Charlene <><